Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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