Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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