Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
