im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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