plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Even my vagina gasped.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
