I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
there is puke in my bra ... again
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