after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
