Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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