I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
