Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
