Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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