please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
