The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
