mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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