I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
