fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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