Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
