Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
