i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
