Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
