Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize