I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
