at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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