Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
