Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
