She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
