So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
