I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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