the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
