You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
