I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
