Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You were trust falling into bushes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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