Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
