I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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