Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Randomize
