I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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