I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
