Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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