So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
