I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize