im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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