Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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