VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
