plz talk dirty to me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
