So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
