i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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