I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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