I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
