Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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