He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
