My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
