I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
