my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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