Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want to be your penis for a week.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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