"it" just moved
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
