honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
