i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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