If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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