She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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