woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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