Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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