I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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