dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When are your genitals available?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
