just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
barbara walters just said penis...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
