just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
