Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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