She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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