I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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