We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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