I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
