I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize